within me

Within me, there exists someone I wish was not there. She is someone I have become good at filtering, so she is not discovered.

This person I filter is jealous. Jealous when she sees women with thin bodies. Jealous when she sees writers with experience and exposure. Jealous when she sees fun and creative parents.

This person I filter is judgmental. Judgmental when she sees certain people eat certain things. Judgmental when she sees leaders make decisions she doesn't agree with. Judgmental when she sees parents with rowdy children.

This jealous and judgmental person affects me more than I would like to admit. This may even be the first time I have admitted to others that she is there. She resides within me because of issues and insecurities that I have not dealt with correctly.

This inner, secret version of me needs more than filtering, she needs rooting out.

I recently stumbled upon a great resource from North Point Church in Georgia. They have created a “best of” podcast from Andy Stanley’s messages. I have been listening to the series called It Came from Within. It’s a helpful resource to think about moving past filtering actions and towards changing hearts.

Above all else, guard your heart,  for everything you do flows from it. –Proverbs 4:23

Maybe one day I will have a little less filtering to do.