I love to read Lore Ferguson. Her words overflow with the desire to honor Christ in all that she says and does. She brings a unique perspective the the challenge of how we can find wonder in the Christmas story.
O holy night, the stars are brightly shining; It is the night of the dear Savior’s birth! Long lay the world in sin and error pining, Till He appeared and the soul felt its worth. A thrill of hope, the weary soul rejoices, For yonder breaks a new and glorious morn.
A friend put her hand on me the other night and prayed words like this, "God, I pray she would know her worth..." Right before that, another friend put a box in my hands, a plain cardboard box on which she'd penned dozens of words in permanent marker. "They're words that describe you," she said. An email came as the moments ticked past midnight; "This is who you are to me..." it said. Hundreds of facebook greetings peppered with a few that said, "this is how God has created you and we love it."
And I ring out the last minutes of my birthday with tears in my eyes.
Because the worth is heavy on me.
I ask God a lot why He created me this way. Don't you? Don't you ask Him why He knit you together in ways that confuse and confound you? Don't you ask why this injustice makes you want to throw fists in every direction and why this glimpse of beauty makes you want to weep? Don't you ask why you love this person so deeply, even though it seems, to every eye cast on you, that you are making a mistake? Don't you ask why you can't eat what the slimmest girl in your circle can down in three bites and why, no matter how hard you try, you cannot wrap your mind around what seems so simply grasped by others?
The particulars are different, I'm sure. The beauty of creation is that no two things are identical. But the asking is the same. Why did you design me this way? Why did you look at this part of me and call it worthy? Why did you attach worth to the things about me that I fight and why, God, did you make me this way?
Because, God, I'll be honest. I'm laying in my sin. I'm pining after my errors. I love my mistakes so much that I keep making them over and over again, always believing in the ideal, that someday I'll get it right. And when someone attaches worth to me, I am sick with doubt in the pit of my stomach: they can't possibly mean that. If they knew the real me, the deepest parts, they wouldn't say that.
And then, a thrill of hope. A small pocket that starts as a lump in my throat and moves to a stirring in my heart. A pulse so small I can barely feel it, but a knowing, a feeling, a soul sighing, a piece of joy. A certainty of His intentionality.
Every moment we feel our worth to Him, He appears.
He shouts, breaking in, throwing his grand cloak over our unrighteousness, our unworthiness, our most tender parts and our weakest shames. She's mine! He says. He's mine! He says. I'm claiming this weary soul. I'm calling its worth.
A new and glorious morn.
My name is Lore Ferguson. Yup. It’s pronounced Lor-ee. I began blogging in 2000, when blog wasn’t a word and we still thought you could keep things private on the internet. I haven’t stopped writing since then, though the nature of my site has changed with time, but for nearly a year I’ve been seeking to blog for God’s glory alone. My goal is to see a generation of dechurched, second generation Christians, or the ragged and hurt, come to the joy of what the gospel means deep down. I blog at Sayable and tweet @loreferguson.
Wonder: Rediscover the Christmas Story is an Advent series designed to help us pause and reflect on how amazing the stories of Jesus’ birth really are. To break through the cluttered busyness of the season and touch our hearts with the awe of what God has done. Let’s make this a season of wonder and worship, marveling together at our great God.